Change alone is Eternal, Perpetual, Immortal

"Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal"

Arthur Schopenhauer

            This past month has been one of change and upheaval in the lives of many people in our community.  People we know and love have faced divorce, job loss, moving, disappointments, financial chaos, ward realignments, and most devastating -- tragic deaths that have changed lives forever in abrupt finality.  
     Not all change has been negative. There have also been successes, love rekindled, marriages, babies born, new friends made, and homecomings.  How we choose to cope with these changes charts the flow of our future.  Our life is a river with twists and turns, rapids and shallow spots and sometimes a few peaceful meanderings perfect for fly fishing. 

            For some, change becomes the undercurrent that pushes them forward towards new learning, opportunities, and progress. For others, the river seems full of dams that hinder and stunt the ebb and flow of their course through life.  The challenge is to use change—ether put upon us, or chosen by us—to either better maneuver life’s currents or to create a new channel in our river of life.

            Change by choice is always the ideal, but ironically still very hard to orchestrate when lifestyles may include addictions, unforgiven hurts, bad habits, or self defeating patterns.  In order to change, something must be given up, whether it is a lazy habit, a chronic addiction, pride, or a non-productive life style which causes you and others stress.  The 12-step program calls it “insanity”, when you do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.  Unless you prefer living in a dry creek bed of inaction, there must be change.

           Loss is usually a part of change.  We give up the security of mom and home to start school.  As we mature, we leave our comfortable high school cliques, and make new friends.  We choose new careers when old jobs don’t satisfy or reward us.  If relationships have gone sour, we examine our actions, repent, and determine how to add some sweetness.  In all cases we leave the security of the known, for the “road less taken” and the river less charted.

       
Philosophically and logically, this all makes sense; but when loss hits your heart strings so hard they seem to break, it’s very hard to accept change.  Such a torrent of emotions struck our family recently when our son Rob and his wife had a much cherished baby taken from them, they had hoped to adopt, after loving and raising him for a year. It was hard to accept such dramatic and cruel change when their dreams and hopes of the future included this wonderful child.  During such turbulent times of upheaval and trial, initially the only recourse is petitioning God for peace and understanding.  And with time understanding does come, and sometimes even a great new blessing, as was the case when Ryan appeared in their lives and was able to be adopted!

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”  Pericles

4th ward Bishops and their wives who served during the 38 years of the ward's existence

            As we all move forward into unchartered waters, we can still value and appreciate the great blessings of earlier times-- especially tender and beloved memories of family and friends and past accomplishments.  After 38 years in the Blanding 4^th ward, many of us shed tears for what we were leaving behind when it was dissolved; those who lost loved ones to death felt even greater sorrow.  But previous experiences are not lost; they are permanent ripples in the living water of our character and deep wells of memory in our mind.  We can pull from them whenever we wish, but we don't stop living.  Mankind isn’t programmed to live in the past, but to forge into the future

          World-renown author Gail Sheehy is an advocate for change.  Other than the Bible, few books have changed more lives than her book Passages. It remained on the New York Times bestseller list for more than three years and has been reprinted in twenty-eight languages.  She claims, “If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.”   Patsy Shumway told me many years ago when we worked together on a School-Community group, that everyone believes in progress; it's just the changes they don't like!"  It is perhaps that fear of change, that prevents many from "really living."

            Sheehy’s follow-up best seller, Pathfinders, explains why some adults overcome life’s crises while others do not.  She interviewed hundreds of people of all ages and backgrounds, and in doing so found that the true pathfinders are men and women who have “discovered uncommon solutions to the predictable crises and unexpected accidents of adult life.”  It is a book worth reading.

      To be productive and realize our full potential we must learn from prior experiences.  Avoiding the pitfalls of the past, can carry our little ship of life into to a positive future.  The paradox is that it will often be sadness, loss, and problems which act as the catalyst bringing change into our lives, thus forcing us to evaluate the future and create new patterns of joy.  Are we thankful for trials?  Usually not.  Can we learn from them?  Hopefully so.

I love the Garth Brooks’ song, The River which counsels:

‘So don't you sit upon the shoreline 

And say you're satisfied 

Choose to chance the rapids 

And dare to dance that tide.’

Rosanne Cash, was a woman who chanced many rapids of tragedy.  She believes that “The key to change... is to let go of fear.”  That is the real indicator of faith, when we move forward after tragedy, letting go of fear, sorrow, and regret.  Whether it is the sadness of seeing your first born start school, your last child graduate, a battle with a chronic disease, or burying a loved one, --the inherent sadness is only a precursor to a door opening to a new beginning.   Ironically, it won’t be seen as an opportunity at first, but it will eventually be viewed as such.

“There's bound to be rough waters 

And I know I'll take some falls 

With the good Lord as my captain 

I can make it through them all 

And I will sail my vessel 

'Til the river runs dry Like a bird upon the wind 

These waters are my sky 

I'll never reach my destination If I never try 

So I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry.”