By the sweat of thy brow…

This summer, Steve’s sister gave us a shadow box containing mementos from a wreath we had made for Grandpa Wilcox’s funeral.  In it was the quote:  “He hoed to the end of the row.”   It exemplified the life of a man who knew and lived by the precept of “work.”  He didn’t quit a job until it was finished.  He also taught his children to work, training them in sugar beet fields, the family garden, and in the barn milking cows.

   My own parents were also farmers, with similar expectations that children would be involved in the work that needed to be done on the farm. My older brother had more of the important responsibilities like driving the Caterpillar tractor, grain truck, and milking.   I took care of the yard, helped mom inside, painted the house, and learned to sew for younger siblings. 

   I never knew that our parents were practicing a very important principle…one I didn’t learn about until 20 years later at a parenting workshop taught by H. Stephen Glenn.  It is based on the premise that children need to be valued and given tasks where they learn to be “significant contributors” to a family’s well-being, not just passive recipients.   

 Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.  ~Thomas Edison

Children need to play important roles in family dynamics.  When this happens in a family it becomes “on-the-job” training for life.  One of Glenn’s books, “Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World” teaches seven building blocks for developing capable young people.  If parents defer the responsibility of teaching children to work, then kids learn roles from the media, where substance abuse, self-medication, casual sex, violence, and materialism is taught.  Sadly this is the case with many youth today.

  Children deserve parents who treat them as capable beings, and take time to tutor and teach them relevant tasks.  If a mother’s goal is having a “perfect” home, she will probably do all the work herself, and thus never raise a responsible child. The more important goal is to coach children on how to do meaningful tasks.

 Children who learn step by step how to cook, clean, garden, and be dependable, will eventually take pride in their work and will find joy.  In addition, their accomplishments need to be celebrated and appreciated.  For many years we used Margaret Van Dyke’s idea of a Family Brag board.  She hung these boards in several rooms and put short little notes of appreciation identifying each child’s current accomplishment.  These notes later were added to scrapbooks as milestone reminders of their successes.

All the so-called "secrets of success" 
will not work unless you do.  

    Another good book on parenting is Linda and Richard Eyre’s “Teaching Children Responsibility.   We tried many of their strategies over the 30 years we were raising children.  We soon learned that any strategy works in direct proportion to the amount of effort parents put into it.  (I’ll share some of those ideas in a future column.)

  Both Scouting and the 4-H program were great tools that also help teach children life skills.  We salute scout leaders who take time weekly to work with boys and girls.  We’re blessed as a community, for Blanding has had an abundance of outstanding leaders.

You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind. 

The 4-H program was very up-close and personal in our family. For over 25 years I taught 4-H clubs which usually involved at least 1 or 2 of our children and their friends.  I liked 4-H because it locked us into a weekly schedule, that guaranteed that teaching would take place in the home.  We covered a gamut of skills from sewing, basic cooking, photography, child care, gardening, flower arranging, quilting, canning, bread making, etc.  In addition our 4-H club did community service, did demonstrations, modeled clothing, participated in the fair, won ribbons and money!  Doing things in a social situation is always makes learning more fun.  Our sons had a friend in the neighborhood who often came over on Fridays, and ended up helping with our Friday night cleaning routine. It was more fun for them, and I think he even liked it and learned a few things in the process.  He has thanked me many times for showing him how a functional family operated, and for the things he learned.  

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.  ~J.G. Holland

Once a child has gained a skill it gives them confidence and courage.  Untaught, children flounder and often fail.  Too often parents expect schools to teach their kids life skills as well as academics, but a provident parent will teach critical life skills at home, and then give their children opportunities to use the skills on a regular basis.  If you can help some of their friends in the process, they will find satisfaction and confidence as well.  I promise, it will be worth the effort and it will might even help keep your house clean, and it will make your future daughter-in-laws happy that your boys know how to cook and clean.  "The difference between "try" and "triumph" is a little "umph."